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When comedian Ophira Eisenberg moved to New York 12 years ago, she was already a self-confessed “slut.” Dedicated to the pursuit of bawdy adventure and the rejection of boring domesticity, she hooked up with guys on her terms. We nicknamed them Goose and Maverick and went back to their room with them. I was like, “Let’s get this done with.” There was no trauma, no change to my body. (I also thought: “I have great underwear that I spent a lot of money on! ” And as he said all this, I realized I was overreacting.

The 40-year-old stand-up comic and host of the NPR trivia show “Ask Me Another” tells The Post about her wayward path to finding the man of her dreams, which she chronicles in her new memoir, “Screw Everyone: Sleeping My Way to Monogamy,” out April 2. My friend Cheryl and I dressed up: sparkly scrunchies, belly shirts with zippers and snaps. After all, I had written stories about a lot of my conquests myself. “I’ve always wanted you to be the last person on my list.” He was the last person on mine.

He was my final conquest, finishing around the number 40. I don’t care what nontraditional path you take, you will end up with someone where you’re like, “We got together because we have the same values.” And now that I look back at my hypersexual past, I realize I’ve learned a lot. I like people who are warm — who can smile genuinely, and it doesn’t make their face look weird.

I can recognize intimacy — a great sense of touch, and eye contact is very important. Sometimes you go, “I don’t even know why I like this person, but I’m so attracted to them.” You don’t have a lot to talk about, but you feel something crazy in the bedroom.

Lord knows there be no shortage of erections looking to bump uglies cum the weekend in the homo-positive hamlet of Montreal.

Given that many of these erections are from out of town – we thought it prudent to provide a short guide to a few choice locations where one can find a nice one to tug on without actually having to waste time engaging in any significant courtship-type nonsense with its owner.

The corner of Sherbrooke and Amherst is where everyone goes because of the big trees you can hide behind so as not to be seen from the street.

Ultimately, my story reminds me of a “Lords of the Rings” quote: “Not all who wander are lost.” I wouldn’t recommend anyone sleep around, the same way I’d never say, “Go out and get drunk.” But I do think it’s OK to find out what you like. But my path was trial-and-error — and, boy, did it pay off.

Hurry, being blocks to Highland Park Village, and minutes from the airport means this one won't last long!

That special moment in the week when a young man’s thoughts turn to penises.

PEEP SHOWS St-Laurent at Ste-Catherine Best in the afternoons when the crack addicts are all out in the sun workin’/stealin’ and not in the peep shows offering dry-mouthed blowjobs for two bucks. are quite interesting around here also, but only if you’re into disillusioned junkie boys (some of them are very cute though) desperately conveying a basic need for some money and your cock that they’ll suck to get it. at de la Montagne This place is best late at night when you get all these straight Crescent Street boys who couldn’t get laid opting to come in here for a better blow job anyway. And at noon hour you can usually find businessmen at this location who will definitely drop their pants and/or numb their knees for some non-wifey-wife lunch.

But be careful – the theatre area inside can be way scary: “Ouch, was that a syringe I just sat on? OUT IN NATURE Lafontaine Park Great for crotch watching on any nice summer day, and great for crotch gobbling as soon as the sun goes down.